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Table of Contents
January 2019: Christlike Character Looks Outward Despite Inward Suffering
Image credit: Daniil Shlive on Unsplash
January 2019: Christlike Character Looks Outward Despite Inward Suffering
January 2019: Christlike Character Looks Outward Despite Inward Suffering
As our character becomes more Christlike, we will find ourselves able to more deeply connect with, reach, and positively impact others, despite our current circumstances.
As our character becomes more Christlike, we will find ourselves able to more deeply connect with, reach, and positively impact others, despite our current circumstances.
How does our character influence our ministering? What are the qualities of Christ that helped Him to be an effective minister? How can I develop those qualities too? Elder Bednar shared profound insights on this topic in the 2019 Mission Leadership Seminar at the Provo MTC, reported in the Church News July 14, 2019.
One of the greatest indicators of righteous character “is the capacity to recognize and appropriately respond to other people who are experiencing the very challenge or adversity that is most immediately and forcefully pressing upon us. Character is revealed, for example, in the power to discern the suffering of other people when we ourselves are suffering; in the ability to detect the hunger of others when we are hungry; and in the power to reach out and extend compassion for the spiritual agony of others when we are in the midst of our own spiritual distress. Therefore, character is demonstrated by looking, turning, and reaching outward when the instinctive response of the natural man in each of us is to turn inward and to be selfish and self-absorbed.”
“The character of Christ, the consistent capacity to turn outward and minister to others in the midst of affliction, is the very foundation of the infinite and eternal Atoning sacrifice.”
We can seek in mortality to develop essential elements of a Christlike character. “Indeed, it is possible for us as mortals to strive in righteousness to receive the spiritual gifts associated with the capacity to reach outward and appropriately respond to other people who are experiencing the very challenge or adversity that is most immediately and forcefully pressing upon us. We cannot obtain such a capacity through sheer will power or personal determination. Rather, we need and are dependent upon the ‘merits, and mercy, and grace of the Holy Messiah’” (2 Nephi 2:8).
Some takeaways to improve our ministering:
1) Look outward, even when we are suffering
2) Let our own suffering inform our compassionate responses to others
3) Rely fully on the merits, mercy, and grace of the Atonement
As our character becomes more Christlike, we will find ourselves able to more deeply connect with, reach, and positively impact others, despite our current circumstances.
Love,
April McKnight
February 2019: How Do I Nurture Old AND New Ministering Relationships?
February 2019: How Do I Nurture Old AND New Ministering Relationships?
Relationships will flow naturally as we let them.
Relationships will flow naturally as we let them.
How do I keep up with my old ministering sisters AND current ministering sisters in addition to all the other relationships I’m trying to nurture? Because we don’t want people to feel like a project or that we were only reaching out to them because of an assignment, but it can feel overwhelming if we’re trying to develop and maintain meaningful relationships with so many people, especially if our assignments have changed frequently over the years. At what point do we just stop contact and move on (unless we became bosom buddies in the meantime and call each other every week or every year or however often we call our bosom buddies)?
Maybe it’s not hard at all, and the relationships will just flow naturally as we let them. Some will hang on longer than others, and maybe some will never easily click, but we―and they―will be better for having reached out sincerely and in efforts to truly love and serve another. The length of our list may be daunting, but as we prayerfully consider where to focus our efforts for that week or month, the Spirit will guide us to know something to do to bless a sister’s life.
Love,
April McKnight
Image credit: Priscilla Du Preez, Unsplash
Image credit: Simon Dewey, Dear to the Heart of the Shepherd
March 2019: A New Pattern, Not Program, for Loving
March 2019: A New Pattern, Not Program, for Loving
I invite you to ponder―if you ever feel overwhelmed or resistant to calls for improvement―what you might leave out or let go of that will free up room to do what is better and best.
I invite you to ponder―if you ever feel overwhelmed or resistant to calls for improvement―what you might leave out or let go of that will free up room to do what is better and best.
The past year has proved to be a period of rapid change in The Church. The changes to ministering were announced in April 2018 General Conference. But rather than think of it as a new program, let’s consider it a new pattern.
The basic ministering doctrine is the same―to love and serve others in our congregations, to “feed my sheep” as the Savior commanded (John 21:15-17). “However, I warn you, a new name, new flexibility, and fewer reports won’t make an ounce of difference in our service unless we see this as an invitation to care for one another in a bold, new, holier way…” Elder Jeffrey R. Holland said in General Conference when ministering was announced.
Do you hear in these changes a charge to do more? Or do you feel relieved that you can do less? If you are one who hears “You should do more” (whether an inner voice or external) you may bristle and defensively respond, “I’m already doing all I can;” “I’ll get around to it eventually;” or just sigh and feel burdened and guilty.
What if instead of doing more, the message is to do something else? Or do the same things but with a more open heart? What we do is less important than how we do it. Making any change might seem burdensome, but I invite you to ponder―if you ever feel overwhelmed or resistant―what you might leave out or let go of that will free up room to do what is better and best. The other things may melt away and hearts may be melted open in the process. You will find space in your heart for loving others and space in your schedule for showing it.
Love,
April McKnight
April 2019: Loving Without Attachment to Outcome
April 2019: Loving Without Attachment to Outcome
When we learn to live and love without attachment to outcome, our hearts and minds remain open, energized, and “an open heart very often coaxes open someone else’s closed heart."
When we learn to live and love without attachment to outcome, our hearts and minds remain open, energized, and “an open heart very often coaxes open someone else’s closed heart."
A few weeks ago in Relief Society, we were talking about ministering from Sister Joy D. Jones’s Oct. 2018 Women’s Conference talk about her and her husband’s efforts for years to minister to a family that had been inactive in church for a long time, only to be rejected again and again. I had an insight in class that I think is worth sharing again here:
If we only reach out to less-active members (or anyone, for that matter!) with the expectation that they will someday come around and do as they “should”―as we expect―then we may become discouraged or even resentful when they don’t, feeling our efforts were wasted, perhaps judging them, feeling that we did something wrong, and so on.
But when we learn to live and love without attachment to outcome, our hearts and minds remain open, energized, and “an open heart very often coaxes open someone else’s closed heart. It’s almost magical. An open heart presents a safe place that others sense, and they respond, sometimes immediately and sometimes much more slowly. No matter, however, whether they respond or not, because, in the meantime, we feel so much better living this way” (Virginia H. Pearce, A Heart Like His, p. 24). Being unattached to outcome also gives us flexibility and creativity in approaching solutions to challenges or conflict and opens ourselves to seeing others as God sees them.
Love,
April McKnight
May 2019: When There's Just Not Enough Time
May 2019: When There's Just Not Enough Time
When overwhelmed with all the worthy causes needing help in the world, consider helping those nearest. Opening hearts creates energy, closing hearts depletes it.
Recently we’ve explored concepts of open heartedness and loving without attachment to outcome, trying something different instead of doing more (maybe doing the same things but with more love), and accepting the natural ebb and flow of relationships.
What do we do with the never-ending challenge of not enough time? “An open heart isn’t really as much a matter of time as it is a matter of being present, available, and open to whomever is in my physical space at any given moment.” Virginia H. Pearce, A Heart Like His, p. 22
This statement above epitomizes the new ministering pattern (I prefer “pattern” to “program” since the doctrine is the same, but the way it’s applied is a little different.) in the Church. Having assignments helps us remember to check in and organizes the care of each ward member (i.e. “feed my sheep”), but hopefully we can recognize and act on any ministering opportunity that faces us in the moment.
Lest this invitation seem too overwhelming or daunting, I find much clarity and encouragement in this quote:
“Compassion is not quantitative. Certainly it is true that behind every human being who cries out for help there may be a million or more equally entitled to attention. But this is the poorest of all reasons for not helping the person whose cries you hear. Where, then, does one begin or stop? How to choose? How to determine which one of a million sounds surrounding you is more deserving than the rest? Do not concern yourself in such speculations. You will never know; you will never need to know. Reach out and take hold of the one who happens to be nearest. If you are never able to help or save another, at least you will have saved one. To help put meaning into a single life may not produce universal regeneration, but it happens to represent the basic form of energy in a society. It also is the test of individual responsibility.” Norman Cousins, Human Options, p. 35.
President Monson was a notable example of this kind of ministering or “going to the rescue,” as he called it. While there may be few times in our lives dedicated to 100% service like missionaries or an apostle or prophet where our sole focus (besides self-care) is to serve, it is still possible to refine our intentions and abilities to respond to the small and large promptings we receive to be “present, available, and open to whomever is in [our] physical space at any given moment.” In so doing, we will find that “Opening one’s heart creates energy. Closing one’s heart depletes energy.” (Pearce, p. 23).
Lastly, former Bishop Keith B. McMullin gave a powerful promise: “When we seek with all our hearts to bring forth and establish Zion, the vexations of too little time will disappear.” General Conference October 2002, "Come to Zion! Come to Zion!"
Love,
April McKnight
June 2019: A Story from "A Heart Like His"
June 2019: A Story from "A Heart Like His"
A moving example of opening hearts, knowing our own is the only one we control, from the book "A Heart Like His"
Today I will share a long-ish excerpt from A Heart Like His, a powerful book by Virginia H. Pearce, that beautifully illustrates the transformative power of an open and loving heart.
(Background: A year after participating in a Relief Society group experimenting with increasing open-hearted interactions, two of the members meet together and catch up on their progress.)
“I feel so much freer,” Barbara said. “I guess one of the things that I didn’t know before our experiment was that when you honestly open your heart up to someone it is a gift. And if they don’t take the gift, it’s still okay because I did my part, and I still win because I feel so good. Remember how much we talked about this being a change inside us, regardless of any other change?
“Well, I feel so much better myself. In the beginning, I thought that I was opening my heart so that the other person would for sure feel how much the Lord loved them and they would change. You know, their hearts would soften and open? I guess I’ve always been conditionally kind. When people responded, great. When they didn’t, I pulled right back—back to a hardened little heart with a protective wall around it. But I’m changing.
“I mean, let me tell you about a woman I visit teach,” she said, leaning forward. “She left the Church a long time ago—at least, she has never been active in our ward. She’s never seemed to want any contact with me. She would come to the door and say a few things or we’d have brief talks on the telephone, but it was pretty guarded. Then I remembered our experiment, and I began to pray before contacting her. I prayed about my heart, and I tried to be aware of it. I wanted the Lord to help me open my heart, to fill me with His love so that it would overflow to her. I prayed to see her as the Lord sees her. And honestly, Virginia, it was that easy. Everything started to change.”
Barbara threw back her head and laughed. “Funniest thing. One day my daughter and I were in the car running errands. It was near the end of the month, and I hadn’t contacted my friend yet. I said, ‘Just wait in the car while I run this visiting teaching message to the front door. Don’t worry. I’ll only be a minute, because she never lets me in.’ Well, of course, that was the day. Not only did she invite me in, but she wanted to tell me all about herself. She told me why she didn’t come to church anymore—what had happened. While I let her talk, I noticed that my heart was right on the surface, honoring this wonderful woman. We ended up crying together, hugging, and I went back to the car to face an irate teenager! You can imagine how mad she was. ‘I thought you said weren’t even going in!’ It was hard for me to be very convincing when I said I was sorry, because I was ecstatic about what had just happened.
“But the part I wanted to tell you about was that when I called the next month she was quite standoffish. And it’s been kind of off and on still. Just the other day, she said to me on the telephone, ‘I think I’ve told you too much and I just can’t have you visit for a while.’ I might have felt rejected in the past, but now that I’m aware that my heart and its condition is the thing I have control over—not hers—it’s not a problem. And the fact that she can talk about what she needs or doesn’t need, really says that her heart is open after all.
“Regardless of what she does or doesn’t do, I like living with an open heart. And I’m going to do whatever it takes to keep it that way!”
May we all continually seek to live and act with an open, loving heart, because that is truly the only heart we can open—our own. Doing so will give us peace and clarity and will bless those around us in remarkable ways.
Love,
April McKnight
Art credit: Greg Olsen "Lost and Found
July 2019: Relational Healing through Ministering
July 2019: Relational Healing through Ministering
Warm, trusting relationships have a powerful healing impact in our lay ministering much like in professional therapy, following the example of Jesus as Expert Counselor.
While listening to a recent BYU Devotional called “The Transformative Power of Covenants” on June 11, 2019 by Ellie L. Young, clinical psychologist, I was impressed with her spiritual application of clinical practice. From my educational and professional background in psychology and massage therapy, I was also aware of the healing nature she described of the relationship itself between therapist and client in addition to the techniques they use. Quoting Sister Young:
“Psychological research is replete with conclusions that one of the key factors that creates change in therapy is the positive, warm, trusting relationship between the therapist and the client. This trust is not a one-and-done event. Many therapists maintain that for change and healing to occur in counseling, that trust deepens over time so that the tender, scary and painful pieces of what bring us to counseling can gently be uncovered and explored so that healing can begin and long-lasting change happens.”
And then Sister Young tied this point into our relationship with the Savior so poignantly:
“This safe, trusting relationship that facilitates meaningful growth in counseling is exactly what the Savior promises us in a covenant relationship. He promises that He will take the scary, painful, and tender parts of our stories and that He will help us make sense of what is happening. And then He will help us find new ways to move through what is difficult, similar to the work of an effective psychologist. And because Christ is the Expert Counselor, He is always understanding, accepting, and willing to listen to our stories again, and again.” Wow!
What does this have to do with ministering? First, we can find deep (read: complete) healing through the Savior, the “Expert Counselor.” Second, as we do so, we find that we are more able to have those “positive, warm, trusting relationships” with others that can be transformative in their lives. Of course, I’m not advocating for us to be a personal therapist when we minister―therapists undergo thorough training and supervision before being licensed―nor am I saying we can be the Savior! But we can have confidence in the healing effects of our positive relationships, even when we have thoughts like “I’m not really making an impact, reaching out doesn’t matter anyway, what can I do about this situation?” Similar to parenting, we may not see the fruits of our labors immediately, but we’re in for the long haul, we seek an eternal perspective, and are learning to love without attachment to outcome but with full confidence in the Savior who is the source of all love. And He will guide us to know how to speak others’ love languages. What a blessing.
Love,
April McKnight
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